I cannot handle this.
Cannot deal with this.
Fact: I fail at commitment.
I just feel like a quick ramble here on the world of tumblr.
I am falling in love. And hating every second.
Those perfectly happy moments with him. It makes me sick.
Because I’m that girl. The one in who knows how many, that has commitment issues. I’m the girl that wants to run. I’m the girl that looks for back doors to escape from. Trying to find excuses to end the relationship, even though I’m more than happy in it. Even though he is more than amazing. Even though it’s successful. Even though I love him. Even though I don’t want each night I spend with him to ever end.
I’m still attempting to figure out how to escape. Because I’m going to mess up eventually. Might as well do it now.
I’m afraid that I’ll have to settle down. I’ll have to grow up. Become somebody. Instead of hopping from job to job and town to town, convincing myself “I’m earning money to go to college” even though I hate school and I”m trying to put it off as long as possible under the guise of being responsible—which I certainly am not.
Because I just want to travel. I want to move from town to town. I’ve gotten mostly through my home state, now just to take my act somewhere else.
But there’s that boy.
And that damn wedding I served today.
That wedding that made me think—although he isn’t the one—that maybe settling down when I find “the one” wouldn’t be so bad. Made me think that being in a family…. Being in a family would be amazing.
Fact: Even though I’m not a minor, I consider myself an orphan. I have family, but no parents.
That having a wedding. That would be the best part… The people that love me. That I love. And that one person that means the world. The guy I’m promising to sepnd forever with. All there. One spot. Something I can’t remember the last time I had.
God, I want a family.
People that don’t forget to buy me Christmas gifts and know exactly what I want. Instead of me awkwardly sitting in the corner at extended family Christmas’s because I don’t have parents.
God, I want someone.
Someone to cry to. Someone to dream with. Someone to have a family with.
God, I just want something.
But having something means committing, and that’s not something I’m willing to do.
So, I have this awesome friend.
Thanks to him, I’m running a 5k in the next few weeks. How did he inspire me? He decided to form a team. He is also permanently on crutches and has been his entire life. I figured if he could run a 5k, so could I.
He is also performing in a local talent show coming up, with no fear.
And on top of that, he just entered a photo contest.
See that photo right there?
He took it. He isn’t even an art major. Try Spanish Ed.
Well he needs votes to win. And boy does he deserve to win.
So this is the site you go to: http://framednetwork.com/episodes/launch-contest/?footer=contest&photo=33#.T6BdgfXNDTR.facebook
Scroll to the bottom and you’ll see this photo. Click on the heart, like you were tumblring it up.
Fact: He deserves this.
Note: Feel free to reblog while you’re at it.
The reality is that fat people are often supported in hating their bodies, in starving themselves, in engaging in unsafe exercise, and in seeking out weight loss by any means necessary. A thin person who does these things is considered mentally ill. A fat person who does these things is redeemed by them. This is why our culture has no concept of a fat person who also has an eating disorder. If you’re fat, it’s not an eating disorder — it’s a lifestyle change.”
Lesley Kinzel (via curvesahead)
I will always reblog this because it is so so important.
I just want to nail this to every stable surface I can find. I cannot count the amount of times that I’ve seen fat folks being encouraged, cajoled, and even forced into behaviors that would be recognized as disordered eating/exercising patterns in thin folks.
Pretty much everything that’s done on shows like The Biggest Loser would be called out as pro-ana/pro-orthorexia in a thin person. Exercising past the point that it hurts, to the point where you’re throwing up, even injuring yourself? Berating yourself because you didn’t lose ENOUGH weight this week? Constantly talking about how fat is weakness and thinness will make everything better, about how you can’t stand to be your current weight anymore? Emphasis on weight as a sign of how much control, strength, and worth you have? Viewing food as bad, as a temptation to sin? Constant sharing and talking about tips on how to minimize food intake, how to lose weight?
That sounds exactly like every pro-ana/pro-mia blog I’ve ever seen. It’s also what fat people are told we need to be doing to ourselves until we’re thin.